I want to get married But…


Of course no one can disagree from an Islamic perspective that the belief one should get married earlier is best. Due to societal pressures and natural inclinations. Recently I’ve seen some brothers and sisters become trend settaz with doing their nikkah and holding off until the actual wedding and valima. Now we have to use our intelligence and be practical also, but what annoys me is alot of parents think you have to posess a degree before you can get married. I disagree, if you want your child to be within the parameters of shariah you should get their nikkah done and place trust in Allah.

I’m not saying the couple should live togetheir right away, all im saying is in this type of society its easy to slip on shatan’s mopped floor. To avoid accidents, their are precautionary actions which are very beneficial that can avoid either sex from crossing boundaries, you know what I mean by that term. Don’t think too deep though.

Looking for a suitable partner is not easy, but at the same time maintaining our eman is extremely important. The question is where do you draw the line in looking for that special person? Of course you will get a whole unique set of answers. One of the thing that Islam puts emphasis on is marriage. Marriage is half of your life, you will be with a certain human being of the opposite sex until the day you die. (I HOPE) No Adam and Steve up in this. Anyhows let me get back to my point, with the cultural challenges and everyday gender interaction, we can all agree its not real easy to just completely leave it alone. Its part of our nature to have affection for the opposite sex and we should follow the set principles and guidelines in order to go about completing this.

One hadith which really amazed me was The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “A woman is married for her wealth, her reputation, her beauty, or her religion. Choose the religious one or you may be ruined.” [Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27] Very interesting, it’s easy for many people to look at this and say ” oh can’t I marry a hot girl”. Well see you need to realize something, its not about the looks, looks are decieving, its about the actions. Now if you get a beautiful woman that has good actions, then your set :).

Now the question of the day, how do you go about finding the opposite spouse? make a dua out of desperation and full intention from your heart. Inshallah you will find your suitable spouse. According to sunnipath, one dua is “Rabbana aatina fi’d dunya hasana wa fi’l aakhirati hasana wa qina `adhab an-nar.” [O Lord! Grant us good in this life, and good in the next, and save us from the torment of the Fire] (Qur’an, 2: 200), intending a suitable and righteous spouse with “fi’d dunya hasana” (good in this life).

I know at the end of the day, for many people its hard to stick within the limits, but I guess defining limits is a term that is very flexible these days. The solution, the parents from the generation before need to understand the challenges for the youth right now. This isn’t pakistan, their needs to be dialog and understanding. Parents gotta help their kids when they are ready before they up doing something which is haram. So if your a parent reading this and your son or daughter is complaining about getting married. Make MOVES SOON! Of course you gotta be practical as I said before but don’t miss the chance when you have a good person at the table.

Alot of brothers and sisters want to get to know each other before they get married, hmm I don’t think their is nothing with that. I think you should definitely know a person before you marry them. The question is how much is enough? At the end of the day you gotta love someone fo real, not because you were forced into it. So we need to think about how are we going to approach this without getting out of hand but also bring the real relationships of familys back. As Abdul Malik said ” Alot of desi parents don’t even face each other in bed”.

So whats the solution? you tell me…that was just scratching the surface.

May Allah give us patience in finding a spouse and give us the right understanding to fix our problems. Ameen!

Oh yea one more official Hadith before i bounce….

Sayyiduna Umar (Allah be pleased with him) said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) say, �If you relied on Allah as He should be relied on, He would provide for you as He provides for birds. They go out hungry in the early morning, and return full in the evening.” [Tirmidhi] The scholars note that birds do not merely place their trust in Allah: they go out early, and take all means to fulfill their goal.

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74 Responses to I want to get married But…

  1. Baba March 18, 2008 at 7:20 am #

    You ask: "So whats the solution? you tell me…that was just scratching the surface."

    You give a great answer to your own question: "May Allah give us patience in finding a spouse and give us the right understanding to fix our problems. Ameen!"

    There's no usually no solution for people in this society if they want to do the nikkah properly, please parents, and end up with a partner they can be happy with without lots of patience by all parties involved. Each situation is unique, so generalizing is usually not helpful.

  2. Sha March 18, 2008 at 4:28 pm #

    You gotta watch this video by

    Worrying & Aging Sister – http://youtube.com/watch?v=xmerfW3Xv08

  3. Sha March 18, 2008 at 4:31 pm #

    I meant to say by Baba Ali called "Worrying and Aging Sister".

  4. fowad March 18, 2008 at 6:42 pm #

    salam a very positive answer saad ahmad rashad

    ur right parents do tend to bug us about getting our education first and i agree that getting nikkah can prevent us from falling into shatans grasp. inshallah may allah guide us all and give us good spouses.

    • Pierrot February 14, 2014 at 5:45 pm #

      “Also 2 cultures can offer more modes of reioultson, or more options to choose from.”I see where your getting but more options would have confused me. I think expectations are different for the Western woman and the Muslim (if non-Western) man. “I also think that all marriages take work, and sometimes in a cross cultural one, the culture is blamed for problems that are standard, or more related to the individuals or particular circumstance. Culture will colour that, but isn’t always the culprit.”Your right. Housework can or cannot be one example. It depends. Men in the West are encouraged to help out doing laundry and such. That is clearly not the way in Pakistan or the MENA region. So, yes, I think even though women in the West have uncooperative husbands with dishes, it is clearly acceptable for the man to do the dishes without losing face! Regarding some other issues, yes, culture can be blamed when it is not warranted and it is up to the two people to make that determination. anthrogeek10

  5. beti March 19, 2008 at 10:12 am #

    inshallah you and EVERYONE will one day find their spouses…

    as for your post umm i must say i kinda sorta disagree with you.. which means i have 2 different opinions with the whole nikkah thing…

    now, i understand were you and the dude above me mean when you say the nikkah prevents you from doing any haram but i mean it's pretty big. (the nikkah)

    see the first issue is that with desi parents esp. having your nikkah done is like being "engaged" and they don't really understand the whole concept of it not being that but it being your actually married.

    and sadly i've seen so many people have their nikkah done and not go through with the "reception" because they ended up getting a divorce. DIVORCED. thats a hugeeee deal bro. I mean, i understand a person wants to get their nikkah done to avoid any haram with the opposite gender but i'm totally against the whole getting nikkah, "getting to know a person" and waiting a few months or even years for the "reception"/waleema or for you to move in together. and to be honest it's situations like that where the desi people consider nikkah to be an engagement. and that's what's scary because its soooooo wrongg..

    imagine getting your nikkah done and realizing that the girl or boy you thought was the "one" ended up being a total different person. your'e going to end up getting a divorce. and getting married again when you have a history like that is VERY VERY hard.

    i'm not saying you should get engaged because nowhere in islam is that written that you should do it nd to be honest it's a waste of time and money. HOWEVERRR i do think that there is a limit to getting to know a person. and again, if your intentions are right then you can prevent yourself from doing haram.

    thats just my 2 cents for ya


    • Sunny June 4, 2010 at 4:56 am #

      I agree with you, I had my nikka done 5 months ago, and now my wife divorced me.

    • Sohel February 15, 2014 at 5:59 am #

      Simply Spectacular!! Safi and Bilal wishing you all of the very best and may your union be poretcted and guided by the Blessings of Allah! Insha Allah .

  6. hash March 19, 2008 at 6:19 pm #

    i agree wit beti…………..marriage is not always the solution……….and nowadays ppl be doing nikkahs like its not that serious……………..it is seriousssss

  7. Azim March 20, 2008 at 6:33 pm #

    Wow, i had the same question..im bookmarking this and i cant wait to c others responses. I have a muslim in mind, but im not sure if proposing marriage to her is the right decision for me or for her..

  8. Alpha Muslim Male March 21, 2008 at 3:54 pm #

    The solution is, become an Alpha male who is something in life and is comfortable around 'SISTERS'. Sisters will automatically start falling for him, even HOT ones!!

    Once they are there, do everything according to the shariya law and you are set. Mind you, Girls' hotness level doesn't dictate her lack of religious morals. Whatever happened to good looking muslims giving birth to good lookin kids?

    You dont need to go towards the average looking just because of religion. I have seen enough average lookin hoes as well!!

    • Walid February 15, 2014 at 4:28 am #

      how sweet your love for each other is!What are your thoughts on our in-laws? there are so many ploepe out their who only know what is told to them. i believe its blind. Should our in-laws have been happy with our decisions to marry each other? i think any parent should happy that their child has found true loveWere they right to be guided by prejudice and racism? no…but sometimes it happens..and things are great now! and thats the most importantWhy are Muslims in America afraid to help when it comes to inter-faith issues? i’m not aware of this…i’d like to think that ameircan muslims know their rights..and are very outspokenAre there abuse prevention measures for ploepe like my then fiance9e? yes….there are domestic violence shelters. even a daughter (over the age of 18) can enter one..for emotional/finacial/physical/mental abuse

  9. Nish March 25, 2008 at 1:43 pm #

    Alpha Muslim Male would you like to describe what qualities does an Alpha male possess?

  10. Saad March 27, 2008 at 5:01 am #

    sound's like a robot nish…Inshallah I would like to know also.

  11. Azeem March 28, 2008 at 11:37 am #

    @alpha male

    Chill Yo Islam Yo

    • Andrzej February 15, 2014 at 5:39 am #

      Absoultely beautiful these piretcus are so lovely.Its like a fairy tale story with the prince and princess.You both look amazing togather.May God shower his love and blessings on you both for a properous future ahead.

  12. -=The ACE of Spades= April 11, 2008 at 7:59 pm #

    yeah i want to get married but i already got 4. My pc, my job, my bb and my B V

  13. Azeem April 14, 2008 at 1:36 pm #

    nice ace of spades, very nice.

  14. thair June 3, 2009 at 8:28 pm #

    i dont know how to tell my parents i want to get married. i have 2 other brothers older than me that are not married yet but they say they want to wait but im truly ready how should i break it to my parents!!!!!?

    • claudia October 9, 2010 at 11:57 am #

      Eu não sei se ja se casou.

      mais se voce ja esta pronto para assumir esse compromisso vai em frente.

      Essa é a sua hora ,tem que enfrentar sem ter medo pois quando amamos não devemos ter medo .

      Tenha sorte eu desejo a voce.

  15. Steve June 4, 2009 at 2:55 am #

    What the hell is up with you muslims and your hate against gay marriage. I AM AND A MAN AND I HAVE MARRIED ANOTHER MAN. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?

    • Al-Harbi November 8, 2009 at 6:53 am #

      um, why are you posting such on this website? Why are you following around muslims and rubbing in their faces your homosexualtity? You must have some respect for us too. I apologize for the arrogant comments toward you by some muslims here but you know in our religion homosexuality is forbidden and a grave sin, just as in other religions. It's not the natural way of life as God has created us and He is the creator and gets to say how we should live. Procreation is not possible among homosexuals and the purpose of our creation is to worship God and procreate so there would be more people to worship Him. And He is deserving of it because He created us!!! We didnt come into being by the snap of fingers or evolution. There is a Creator and creation. If you do not agree then it is not by the will of God that you agree. He guides whom He wills and leaves to stray whom He wills and you will not be accountable for my actions nor I for yours. Peace.

  16. Daanish June 6, 2009 at 11:58 pm #

    Marrying a gay man is not a natural way and is not the way of Islam. It is said in the Quran, where marriage can only be accepted between a male and a female. In adition to this the man can have upto four wives.

    Being gay means you cannot reproduce and the reason we are only here is because people have followed the natural and NORMAL way of life and to marry the opposite sex. Otherwise if people were to be gay we would become extinct.

    I am 17 and there is this girl i like very much. We've talked and met up etc, and we want to marry in the future as our current age is too young for us to support each other. My dad thinks i am not ready to make the decision of who is right for me. My family knows about her aswell. I just dont know what to do. Can we do nikah now and do the marriage ceremony at a later stage? Can we get engaged and do the nikah about 4 years later? I know getting engaged doesnt give any rights to me over her, but what should i do in this situation so that i am avoiding commiting sins.

    I know it is hard to get married at such an early stage, even though it is halaal, this is due to the western society we live in. I also agree with the blog about having a degree. It is not neccessary, but i think for the females family, they would feel secure that the male has something about him, intelligence etc, and should be able to support the family. I think i would have this problem as the person i want to commit to have high values within their families, but i am on course to go to uni and inshallah i will do an MBA. Anyways if anyone could help me with my question i will be grateful.

  17. Steve June 9, 2009 at 3:11 am #

    Mate, perhaps in Islam you only marry to reproduce, but in the NORMAL world, we marry for love., not to procreate. Perhabps you should read some history books. Men have been having intercourse with other men since the beginnings of mankind. People have been gay since the first homosapiens stepped on earth. And we've managed not to become extinct, haven't we? Marriage and reproduction are very different things. People marry because they want to spend their lives together and share everything they have with each other. Not to have babies. Reproduction is not something that is in danger, enough people have enough babies. As a matter of fact, the planet Earth is pretty much over-populated. Furthermore, being gay does NOT mean you cannot reproduce. Being gay means you are attracted to the same sex. Reproduction can happen without attraction and there are many gay parents in today's world. Who are you to say the normal way of life is to marry the opposite sex? Who gave you the right to decide what is normal and what isn't? If that was the case, I could say it is NORMAL to only have THE ONE WIFE.

  18. The MV June 9, 2009 at 10:51 am #

    Steve and to everyone else^

    Islam is not a strict religion, there is no force in Islam as you see in many Muslim Countries. But the fact is that it is haraam in Islam and you will be accountable for your sin. But as for now, no one should force you to marry and when asked if theres something wrong with Gay Marriages then a Muslim should just simply say its Haraam.

  19. Daanish June 11, 2009 at 2:22 am #

    It said in the Quran that a man can have upto four wives. We have not known the reason for this until know. It is becoming clear that their are to be more women than men in the future. Estimated figures say around 12 women to 1 man, so the option to having 4 wives is something to tackle this problem. In the western society it may seem unusual, but the fact that it is halaal and the right each wives have need to respected then it is permissible. I think Steve is a loser trying to fight a losing battle. He knows it is wrong and will be accounted for his sins on the day of Qiyamat. No one has really answered my question, but then again i dont need anyones help as i am capable. To Steve, we did not come from animals because there is no proof, just because there are some noticible similarities does not mean we are apes or whatever animal you want to be. I could say i am a wolf because i have body hair, but im not. As i was saying before, Adam & Eve were created by God. Insest was temporarily allowed at the time as their was no other people they could marry, but there were also some certain conditions to this which i cannot remember on top of my head. Most people understand that Islam is the right way of life. All these celebrities, Muhammad Ali, Jermaine Jackson & maybe Michael Jackson himself, Mike Tyson, Danny Williams are all converted or intend to. Typical people like Steve wouldnt understand this because they think that all life is about is to satisfy needs. Let me tell you one thing Steve, how are you going to satisfy yourself in hell? With fire? =L

    My muslim followers i am only 17, and i admit i have been affected by the western media, but have changed as i have reasearched Islam deeply. I have future prospects and intentions which are already in place and working fine and hopefully well inshallah, but at the end of the day, if we do not follow our religion, our faith, and think that we can do whatever in this life and getaway with it then you are wrong. The Quran is a true to the heart book, it was revealed many many years ago and has proven science wrong a huge majority of time. This shows that the Quran cannot be something written by a human, and this is further backed with the fact that the most humans can come up with is science, which in mine and many others point of view is a load of shit. There may be some beneficial things, but Islam also teaches to take the good and leave the bad. Just take the good things such as medicine, but leave the things such as viagra, unnecessary to be honest. UK has the highest teenage pregnancy and because of this, teens are kicked out of their homes and have destroyed their future. Aborting is a sin and is accounted for murder technically, but noo, the government allows it for our sake which doesnt make sense. A couple make the decision to having intercourse and would need to understand the risk that pregnancy can occur. If they do not then they are not ready to do it. Anyways i think im saying too much and going off the topic, but do not listen to people like Steve, let them burn in hell for when the time goes wrong. If we stay close by Allah then he will protect his followers.

  20. Los Palos June 11, 2009 at 4:16 am #

    Daanish, mate, you're a very confused young man.

    We do not come fron animals, and no one has ever said that. We do not come from apes. You clearly don't understand evolution if you think it means we come from apes. It is infact PROVEN that there was no adam and eve. It is indeed proven that the homosapien (that is us) evolved over thousands and thousands and thousands and even more years from, not apes, but early humans. If you really think this is "a load of shit" then please explain dinosaur fossils to me.

    12 woman to 1 man: Please explain why this is a problem that needs to be dealt with.

    I will be accounted for my sins? What sins? Loving another man? Is that a sin? Why?

    Because a book written by humans says it so?

    You know what the real sin is? Leading the life you lead just because you are scared of going to hell.

    Another sin: Judging people just because your religion tells you their life is not "the right way of life"

    You've mentioned a lot of celebrities in trying to convince me Islam is the right religion. Muhammad Ali beats people up for a living. Michael Jackson is not exactly the best role model. Your point is flawed.

    I don't believe life is about satisfying needs. I believe life is about love, prosperity and peace. If a man loves a man, I see nothing wrong with that, as love can never be wrong.

    You say Viagra is wrong. Why? What is wrong with a man who has lived many, many years, whose body is no longer capable of doing what it used to, but who still wants to make love to his wife and share the experience with her?

    You say the Quran has proven science wrong a lot of times. Name one time. Just name ONE single time when the Quran has PROVEN a matter of science wrong. I dare you.

    All you seem to come up with is "Oh, it is wrong to lik another man because a God we have no proof of says so, and you'll go to hell"

    You speak of the day of Qiyamat, and of Hell.

    Let me ask you this, and answer carefully.

    If you knew you were going to hell no matter what, would you still follow your religion? Or do you only follow Islam because you want the reward of paradise and you're scared of going to hell.

    Grow up. Realise you are no longer living in the 15th century.

  21. Daanish June 11, 2009 at 4:39 am #

    It is not me that is confused, you are just trying to talk your way out of this as you know it is you that is wrong. I have other better things than trying to explain dumb idiots like you, but i must say one thing.

    Be prepared because the signs of Qiyamat are coming even stronger. Those who disbelief have no chance.

    PS. Muhammad Ali is a legend, beating up people for a living perhaps may sound weird, but it is supported by rules which makes the game fair such as footballers who get paid millions for kicking a ball. It entertains stupid wannaba apes like you who bet on anything.

    People like you who waste money on watching horses and dogs race. Next thing you know it will be you who will be forced to race and others betting on you.

    Qiyamat is coming…!

  22. Los Palos June 11, 2009 at 6:53 am #

    I've never bet on anything on my life and I've never watched horse or dog races. This proves how prejudice you are. If your entire argument is only made up of "You are an idiot, you are wrong and you are going to hell" then you're right, you DO have better things to do. Like learning how to communicate for instance. You're making a fool out of yourself by coming up with these childish counter-arguments. Worst of all, you're a disgrace to muslims around the world. Anyone else reading this might think all muslims are homophobic, ignorant, threatening idiots such as yourself. Which fortunately, is not the case.

    I noticed you couldn't come up with an answer for any of my questions. Instead you just warned be about judgement day. Sure thing mate, I'll keep a lookout, don't worry.

  23. Daanish June 11, 2009 at 7:30 am #

    Nahh yaar you just dont want to admit you're wrong because thats what you type of people are like. You do something wrong then dont want to back out because everyones will be like, i told you so.

  24. adil June 11, 2009 at 7:34 am #

    dat los palos and steve are twats lol tryna prove their gay is the rite way

    wat a bunch of losers

  25. Los Palos June 11, 2009 at 10:41 am #

    Daanish, adil, I know you are both 16 year olds who can't spell, so I can't blame you for appearing so retarded and not holding your own in an argument. But please, oh please, don't post on the internet anymore. Why? Because by replying with things like "my counterargument consists of you're gay and you don't want to admit you're wrong" you're making all Muslims look like homophobic, ignorant children who don't know how to debate. And I know that's not the case. So please, leave the talking for the adults, and continue trying to survive puberty somewhere else.

    • PTexan September 9, 2009 at 12:48 pm #

      Calling a person ignorant is one thing. Calling them "retarded" is an entirety different matter. It's no better than discriminating against someone for say a sexual preference.

      P.S. No one in this discussion has divine interpretation to the extent that we can assuredly say whether or not gay marriages are good or bad acceptable or not acceptable. As for judging others gay or not, Islam has strict guidelines AGAINST such. Who are we as humans to say what God will or will not allow? All we can do is speculate. And this post is a great example of the diversity that is the Islamic community and mentality. Spirituality is a personal decision and in many ways a matter of opinion. But, in the end opinions are immunity to being told we're wrong. So perhaps the solution is to ask more questions and perhaps wait for the answer.

      Just my 8 cents.


  26. The MV June 11, 2009 at 12:11 pm #

    I am only 15 years old but I know that everyone has the freedom to do anything they want, even in Islam. The Quran states things that are a sin and what you should do. Part of that is tolerance and respecting others. No Muslim should call someone an idiot because of his beliefs, remember that we will all be accountable of out sins in the Day of Judgement. But we should still guide others to Islam with respect.

    • amatullah92 May 19, 2010 at 5:57 am #

      May Allah preserve you. JazakAllah khayr

    • Albert February 14, 2014 at 9:07 pm #

      ALHAMDULILLAH .Quite happy to read the article but you did not metoinn sister as how did your friend come in touch with the groom and how it turned out like this..i mean what was the reason that she became so detached from her previous relation and adopted herself with the new JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRAN

  27. Yussef June 15, 2009 at 6:55 am #

    The two peoples comments above me are sinners.

    Do no listen to what they have to say, people who do not follow the way of Islam are bound to go wrong in this life or the life after.

    And by the way, those kids are on the write path you should not make fun because they cant put their thoughts into words as you can as you may have experience, but they are correct and therefore better than you. Also they follow Islam or are Muslims so they beat you again.

    Good day.

  28. Los Palos June 15, 2009 at 2:06 pm #

    You are such a stereotype Yussef. "You are a sinner, I am better than you because I am muslim, I follow Islam so I beat you"

    I wasn't aware life was a competition. I wasn't aware people could be better than others, just because of different religions.

    Why can't you learn from The MV and adopt some level of tolerance.

    I respect Islam and its followers. But I don't respect people like Yussef campaigning his superiority over non-muslims. I don't respect homophobes, extremism, intolerance nor ignorance. And you, Yussef, are full of all those things.

    I'm sure you're not a very good muslim, if you think yourself better than others just because of what you follow.

  29. Muslimah June 15, 2009 at 7:32 pm #

    For Los Palos,

    All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. -Prophet Muhammad (SAWS).

    MV… MashAllah true wisdom.

  30. Kadeer June 16, 2009 at 7:21 am #

    There are good muslims and bad muslims. There are muslims who will follow their religions and there are muslims who will not. There are muslims who are wound up in western society that they would deny their own religion, and rather support others than the people of their own religion. Im afraid you type of people is what makes this world unpleasant for alot of us. You dont even want to support your own followers, just go to show how much you would like to go towards the side of the devil. Those who do not support their muslim followers are just as bad.

    Islam is about peace, and there are guidlines in which all muslims should follow. We have the ability to do what we like as we are humans, but in the end, we know what are the sins and we will be accounted for on the day of Qiyamah. Those who choose to repeatedly ignore their sins will perish, but those who have been worthy of this life will be rewarded with such rewards that humans cannot even dream of. The rewards are so many times greater than the perfect life on Earth.

  31. Los Palos June 16, 2009 at 11:51 am #

    So, Kadeer, are you a Muslim ONLY because of the rewards you hope to get at the end of life? Only because you do not want to perish after death?

    What if there were no rewards. Would you still follow Islam?

    Are you trying to say, that the reason people should follow Islam is so they do not perish on the day of Qiyamah and so they are rewarded with rewards humans cannot even dream of?

  32. sarah. June 17, 2009 at 8:28 pm #

    Los Palos, the reason Islam exists is to provide guidance for humankind so that they may be able to worship their lord. I am absolutely certain that any true muslim would still worship Allah even if 'there were no rewards'. Imagine a being that created all that there is and will ever be, and has the power to do absolutely anything, and has promised forgiveness and mercy if you call upon them…would this not be enough reason to believe and glorify the creator's name?

    Steve, in Islam homosexual acts are outright forbidden and therefore muslims must not engage in this behaviour or normalize it in any way. Marriage in Islam is not just about reproducing, it also is about finding solace and love with another soul. I'm not gay but I understand that this may be possible between men as well. But just because it is possible, does not necessarily mean it is the right way to go for one who follows Islam. In Islam we believe God has prescribed for us the right path and so we follow it. You can do as you please, but if we don't follow your lifestyle what's it to you? No muslim should be judging you anyway, because we believe God is the ultimate judge.

    • amatullah92 May 19, 2010 at 5:52 am #

      JazakAllah khayr! Well said

  33. Kadeer June 21, 2009 at 1:05 pm #

    Put together very well Sarah…Thank you so much =]

  34. The MV June 21, 2009 at 8:55 pm #

    "The two peoples comments above me are sinners.

    Do no listen to what they have to say, people who do not follow the way of Islam are bound to go wrong in this life or the life after."

    For what? Showing tolerance?

  35. Kadeer June 22, 2009 at 6:55 am #

    No you are just a little misunderstanding boy. You probably didnt understand the meaning in mine and her context. You need to analyse the meaning, like scholars analyse the Quran.

    You simply dont say something is haraam. Some people wouldnt want to listen unless there was an explanation so you would explain why something is haraam, although there may be some things which we do not know why they are haraam yet. We do know that what is haraam should not be questioned because it is haraam for a reason. Allah knows all and would not make something haraam for no reason. Same for something which is mandatory like salaat and zakaat for example.

  36. Kadeer June 22, 2009 at 7:09 am #

    No, you are just a misunderstanding little boy.

    If something is haraam it is the nature of a human to ask "why". This is a weakness, but if something is haraam, then it is haraam. Even if we do not know why, because Allah knows all and knows what is best. We have been given a guide as to how we should go forth our lives, if people want to ignore the teachings of the prophet and the ways Allah has prescribed then it is them who will be judged.

    I see no one has answered Daanish's question. It is haraam to hae a girlfriend. This is also explained, i can tell you why. Having a girlfriend will lead you to do things which are unlawful and haraam. The advice from many scholars and what is common sense is to either get engaged and marry your partner as soon as possible to avoid any more sins. I must say in the western society it would be hard to get married at your age, but there are chances. If it doesnt work out then the only way is to get married later, but now you know it is wrong and why.

    For the homosexual topic, yes it is wrong to be gay. A married man and a woman are not allowed to have sex during the period of menstruation due to the constant filth that occurs in this period. Other reasons being danger of health issues and pain. A gay couple who plan to have anal sex, which is completely haraam, would have these problems as the anal passage is constantly filthy. The messenger of Allah said "Allah shall not look at any man who enters another man or woman in the anus"

    Even if you are gay and you do not have anal sex, it is still haraam.

  37. Los Palos June 23, 2009 at 10:59 am #

    Perhaps you should leave the argument to the adults, Kadeer, such as The MV and Sarah.

    Questioning why something is haraam is not wrong and is not a sin, it is in fact just being human.

    How can you expect someone to be told they can't do something, if you don't give them a reason? "Never mind why it is haraam, it just is because Allah says so". When did Allah say so? Can you PROVE, can you really PROVE it is the word of Allah? Even if it was the word of Allah, a reason is to be expected. Rules are not made to be followed; rules are made to benefit us by following them.

    Noticed how I'm not insulting you. Notice how I'm not referring to you as a "confused little boy" who has been brainwashed by a primitive society. You know why I'm not saying that? BECAUSE I HAVE A DEGREE OF TOLERANCE.

    I am not muslim, I do not follow any religions, and yet I can happily and gladly co-exist with a muslim, and I have many who are some of my best friends.

    I'm not telling you to reject what is haraam and what is not. I am merely telling you that to follow anything; anything at all, blindly, is unwise. If you really believe in something, then you should be able to understand and explain to others WHY you believe in that. Not just say "it's haraam because Allah says so". I'm sure scholars who analyze every aspect of Islam and the Quran are able to come up with better explanations than that.

    • Rubob October 12, 2009 at 12:28 pm #

      The idea of ever thinking for themselves is beyond them. I imagine if it does pop up in their brain, something at the back warns them so they don't have to expend more than the 1 percent brain power they stretch over their lifetimes.

    • Samira November 8, 2009 at 5:57 am #

      Los Palos, i agree whole with sarah, you got your answer and another sensible person to debate with yet you seem like someone who is just asking for an unnecessary debate/argument, you follow whatever you may think is right and Kadeer is going to follow what he believes is right. so as conclusion you go on your way of life and others on theirs, i would appreciate if you would not comment because its childish (also goes for others), and the reason is that if you believe being gay is cool then do so, it should NOT matter to you what other people think. i am a practising muslimah and i believe in islam not just because i want to go heaven but because i want to be near to Allah and be among those who are loved by him as believers of Allah, so if you have something against my comment do reply in a well manner because i was going through all the comments and you called some-one a retard as the PTexan pointed out.

      salam brothers and sisters 😀

  38. emi November 3, 2009 at 9:06 pm #


  39. Al-Harbi November 8, 2009 at 6:43 am #

    Unfortunately i didnt read the 41 above comments, i don't have time to, 3 children are busy-fying as it is. However i must say that i had to struggle to get married. To begin with my parents aren't muslim and nikaah to them is like engagement as some ppl pointed out. I had to go through ALOT to get married. I fought hard though and made LOTS of SINCERE dua, for the right person and to be married to him that is. It took a long time.

    Parents are a difficult thing to work on and i don't see a solution wrt them. I feel for you who are yearning for marriage and your parents are in the way. Unfortunately children slip into haraam before they can get married. The only thing we can change, brothers and sisters, are our ownselves if giving Dawah to parents dont work. So InshaAllah, when you do have your kids, stick to your word and marry them BEFORE anything haraam can even ENTER their minds. My husband and i have decided to offer marriage to our children when they are of puberty and if they decline it's ok. But when they are ready (boy or girl) we will make accomodations for them, marry them and keep them and their spouses in our home, even if they are in high school until they are ready to go on their own. In this way Allah cannot take me into account for my children's mistakes since i would have done my part and Allah knows best.

    Another thing- nikaah isnt an engagement and the purpose of doing a nikaah is not to "get to know the person" like the Arab custom nowadays- it is for satisfying desires and having kids. Getting to know a person occurs with you, the girl and her mahram present on MANY occassions to get the ball rolling. After say, 6 months, then do the nikaah if satisfied.(my friend did like this and she and her husband are comletely safisfied after 8 years of marriage and counting) However, according to the rasuul(salla laahu alaihi wa sallam) you will only know a person when you have done business with them, lived with them or travelled with them. But it is better to take the precaution, Perform SALAATUL ISTIKHAARA and then do the nikaah if feeling good about it.

    maa salaama

  40. R.Ahmad November 14, 2009 at 6:08 pm #

    AsSalamu alikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh:

    Dears I am from Afghanistan I am studying B.Sc in Bangalore. while studying I falled in love with an indian girl she is Muslim also I am now her family is not agree with our Nikkah she is agree her mom is agree only Uncle and Father is not agree I don't know what to do I am praying only if there is any solution for this problem please grant me dears.

    her father and Uncle's problem is this much with me that I am from Afghanistan. that is it. Wa salamu Alikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

  41. Jamal November 26, 2009 at 10:57 am #


    I don't have any problem if you are gay or whatever! I just have one question, why the hell did you posted your comment here which diverted everyone from the topic under discussion. Clearly, nobody was discussing the topic which you brought up.

    You pick now what the hell should I call you as your post has really irritated me because it diverted everyone from the main topic.

  42. amatullah92 May 19, 2010 at 5:49 am #

    Praise be to Allah

    Usually most non-muslims don't understand this

    > One of the basic principles of Islam is to believe in the wisdom of the Lord in

    what He creates and commands, and in what He wills and decrees, in the sense that

    He does not create anything in vain and He does not decree anything in which there is not

    some benefit for His slaves. So everything that exists is His will and decree.

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Allaah is the Creator of all things” [al-Ra’d 13:16]

    See http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/7951

    > [Quran 21.23] He (God) cannot be questioned concerning what He does and they (people) shall

    be questioned. See http://www.islamtutor.com/basics.php?p=misfortune

    > Saad great article mashaAllah! May Allah reward you abundantly

  43. Wasif August 7, 2010 at 1:15 pm #

    For all the people in favor of being gay i have one question. what if ur father was a gay too or ur mother was a lesbian then i donot think u people will be here to discuss on this topic

  44. marq August 22, 2010 at 7:23 pm #

    Salam alikum all,

    What a great article…..and yes, you are only scratching the surface. There are much more than this, e.g. sisters who get divorced and they can not get remarried, and if they do in such a bad conditions because they are considered second-class citizens. In some countries like Pakistan, you are divorced, you are wiped out from society in many ways.

    I can not even understand the brother who is in love with the Indian pal. What is wrong? Why is money, culture, color of your skin, bachelor;s degrees etc, so important for something so holy as 'marriage'.

    At the same time, I wonder if people realize when raising kids what ideas they are putting in their minds of what a marriage is. How many wives, moms are abused at many levels by their spouses, treated bad, humiliated and dealing with 1001 problems inside their hearts because they are afraid to tell others due to gossips or retaliations from husband and families. Yes, because you marry the ENTIRE family. I am also scracthing the surface. Many of these women are not even literate or do not work and have kids, what will happen to them all?

    When I think about this all, HOW COMPLICATED we make it, when our beloved Prophet (saw) said in his sermon that all of us are the same. Brothers and sisters, don;t we come from Allah? Can you choose to be born in Middle East, America, Europe, can you choose your paretns, color of your skin, etc….?

    THe BIG problem is that many people forget what ISLAM is and how it came to get rid of times of ignorance. Why we keep that ignorance, why are we so tribal?

    I want to get married again and when I see all this stuff I literally faint in my heart. Please brothers and sisters, DROP cultural stuff and follow sunnah and shariah.

    I will keep that poor brother in my duas. I hope you can marry her if this is Allahs will. Who cares if you are from Afghanistan or from Mars…

    All the best.

  45. muslim4marriage October 20, 2010 at 7:09 am #

    Well said mark,marriage is totally different thing and we have turned it in to a so hard task and lot of fromaleties,i don,t know why,we all wrong measures while talking about marriage.

  46. Doinworqson August 6, 2012 at 7:01 am #

    Food for thought with the Steve arguement. Using his logic.. He is choosin to go through life believing there is no life after death. My question. What if there’s is?? Ever wondered? Lol.. So it doesn’t really hurt to live life as if there was a life after death. I’d rather live as if there was n find out there isn’t, than live my life here on earth as if there is not a life after death and find out there is… -_- this life < an eternal after life.. Just saying. Again just using Steve's type of logic n kinda giving food for thought. Salam. My response was with n iPhone n you know how they are…. :-/

  47. Hafsa October 28, 2012 at 6:48 am #

    Subhan Allah! The original post had nothing to do with gays and gay marriage. I sincerely dislike the fact that ”’Steve” sought out a Muslim sight, simply to brand us as all gay haters. Here in Australia, when we see a gay, its as easy as make a dua for God to show them the path and continue on your merry way. Allah knows best. There was absolutely no need for Mr.Steve to come here with such a debatable argument so as to turn us into a band of keyboard warriors. How about some appreciation for what Saad actually WROTE? And not what everyone is arguing about.
    Salaam Bro’s and Sisters
    🙂 Have an amazing and blessed day!

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