How Not to Judge the Opposite Gender in Islam

Sorry for not posting this whole month, I’ve been busy recently since I went to California to give Dawah to Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Just playing, I was there chilling with family under palm trees and getting some work done.

Anyways, I wanted to write about an idea which I realized is coming into the minds of some Muslims.

So the issue is some brothers and sisters who have gone through a transition of not practicing to practicing Muslims have developed a mentality of rejecting “Marriage” in Islam, they have this black and white view of opposite genders because of their past experiences.

Now past experiences can obviously effect a persons psychology, but that doesn’t give you the right to say things like “all men or women are evil”, because that’s obviously not the case. When you make a statement like that, I take it as you dissing yourself  and your own parents. We should be real careful how we use our rhetoric and separate the actions of some people from a group of people.

See let me break it down like tetris, just because you had a relationship with someone and things went wrong for whatever reason, it doesn’t give you the right to use that experience and reject marriage, which is so sacred in Islam.

Most of the time, the relationships that went wrong just had wrong objectives and people didn’t have sincere intentions and a proper approach in the first place. I don’t need to go into details, but I think you all know what I mean.

This brings me to another point, sometimes I hear young Muslims say statements like “oh right now I’m going to chill and mess around, we’ll worry about marriage later when we get older”.

Well guess what, your not guaranteed another breath of your life. So your gamble isn’t justifiable in any way, but I guess if Allah swt allows you to live after you entered into this state, then you have begun to take his mercy for granted.

Back to the issue, we have no right to make a final judgment on any person , this can only be done by Allah swt alone. A lot of brothers and sisters have messed up and are trying to come closer to Allah swt, this is very common in the society we live in. Let’s stop acting like we’re all perfect and we haven’t messed up either, only through the mercy of Allah swt have our hearts opened up again and we should look at everyone with the same potential rather than being arrogant.

The last thing I wanted to talk about was how some people show off about how they have dated or had a relationship with such and such person in the past, they bring this up although that person they dated when through a transformation and have mash’Allah begun practicing Islam.

This annoys me the most, we should be happy when we see a brother praying who didn’t pray before start praying or a sister start dressing modestly. If you keep bringing up the past, then your just playing devil’s advocate. This topic is very deep and I can’t sum it up in a couple of paragraphs but I wanted to just bring awareness so we can speak out about it once we see it.

Anyways, let’s keep everyone in our dua’s.

Some tips to remind ourselves with:

  1. Stop bragging about your sins, start asking for forgiveness. Our beloved Prophet said: “No one with the slightest particle of arrogance in his heart will enter paradise.”
  2. Don’t say no to Marriage! If you don’t get married then what are you going to do? Exactly, everyone gets lonely eventually, after all Allah swt created Eve for our beloved Prophet Adam.
  3. Not everyone is evil, don’t judge the whole world off experiences with certain people, that’s not fair.
  4. Don’t backbite about the sins people have committed in the past, that person might have repented and yea you never know!
  5. Look in the mirror everyday and thank Allah swt for the progress you have made as a Muslim, we are all struggling and some of us are at different stages than others, be patient with people.

Sorry for the crusty post, haha. Insh’Allah this coming month I’ll try to deliver better.

May Allah (swt) help us take constructive criticism, give us understanding of the deen and dunya! Ameen.

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16 Responses to How Not to Judge the Opposite Gender in Islam

  1. Islamic Community February 1, 2010 at 8:31 am #

    Very True, jazakallah :).

  2. Akeel February 1, 2010 at 6:21 pm #

    JazakAllah bro…good post!

  3. Anonymous February 1, 2010 at 7:19 pm #

    good post very important indeed lots of issuses with brothers/sisters relation needs to be brought to light,,,jazaak

  4. Rabab February 1, 2010 at 9:44 pm #

    Amazing Post =)

  5. sara February 3, 2010 at 11:42 am #

    saaddddddddd! check ur e-mail please =)

  6. Zharat Al-Furdos February 4, 2010 at 2:08 pm #

    Alsalamu Alykum,

    This is a very true and matter of fact post.

    Jazak Allahu Khair.

  7. MS February 4, 2010 at 10:43 pm #

    great post! :) and very good advice. It's also about looking for the right qualities in someone and changing ourselves too so we can be better people who then will attract healthier relationships inshallah. Also with time we all become more wise and mature hopefully! [One a side note I think you meant marriage is "sacred" and not "scared" :) … hehe, although yes it can be scary also :)] May Allah make our marriages successful and full of love and respect, ameen.

  8. Islamic Forum February 6, 2010 at 3:15 pm #

    Yeah, it's a pretty nice post. Personally, I don't think anyone should judge a book by its cover.

  9. faizal February 14, 2010 at 5:53 am #

    salam brother..

    nice to visit your blog…good writing..keep it up

    may i put your blog in my link?

    wsalam

    • Adrian February 15, 2014 at 6:45 am #

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  10. Rabi February 18, 2010 at 8:47 pm #

    jazakAllah Khair…greatttt post!!!

    can't wait 4 da next one!!

  11. hijabi.sailoress April 3, 2010 at 6:16 pm #

    great post. hope u dont mind i'll share with on my blog!

  12. Muhammad June 27, 2010 at 10:21 pm #

    Keep up the good work bro! Some advice I can actually benefit from. May Allah reward you for every single letter you have written on this website.

  13. Natasha July 12, 2010 at 1:45 am #

    Assalamualaikum,

    MashAllah a very good reminder. But I just wanted to add that not only is not right to brag about your past sins, but it can also be counted as a sin then. The reason is because when you sincerely repent to Allah and only find your forgiveness with Him then Allah puts a cover on your sins like the dark blanket (or like the darkest night), meaning, our sins have been hidden from everyone on earth. If Allah is hiding our sins, then who are we to brag to the whole world about them? Brother, just a special request, if you can also write about this subject as well (repenting and keeping past sins a secret), it's very widespread in the Muslim Community nowadays, and it's a VERY wrong thing. JazakAllah.

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