Innocence and Intervention [Part 2]: The Etiquette’s of Not Minding Your Own Beeswax

Bismillah, Assalaam’alaikum

We last left off at watching a sister handle some junior high school kids on the train. How did she take care of it, and how should you do the same in case you ever become a witness to bullying?

Well, when it comes to etiquettes, first and foremost, always keep in mind that Muhammad (peace be upon him) was the best of creation and we should strive to follow his example, bi’ithnillah. For the purposes of stopping bullies, it is important to be calm, respectful of everyone equally, but it is also necessary to be absolutely stern, because the bully needs to understand the seriousness of the consequences of their actions. So in order to strike the perfect balance, one must be both soft and strict at the same time.

Things to keep in mind:

DOs

1. Stop the bullying in its tracks. Try to make eye contact with the victim. After observing from a distance, whether or not you feel comfortable, get between the victim and the bully to stop farther interaction.
2. Point out what bullying is and its harms. The victim might not even realize they are being bullied, especially if it is being done by their “friend(s).” The bully might think it is okay to behave this way, but make sure they know it is not okay. Use simple language. (See below for examples)
3. Show support for the victim. The victim should get a sense of self-control. We do not want the victim to be ridiculed on a new front. We want the victim to leave the situation with their dignity intact.

DON’Ts

1. Do not immediately begin to ask the reasons for bullying.
2. Do not try to be a mediator by forcing the two sides to come to an agreement, or become friends. This is a long term issue and, again, we don’t want the victim to lose dignity in any of this.
3. Do not give the bully an attitude. You will not only lose their respect, but you will also forfeit the opportunity to change the bully. We must respect all human beings as human beings, and advise others to good and forbid evil, but this must be done with wisdom!

Some of us might even have been bullied in the past. So when you confront a situation like this as an outsider now, remember what it was like and try to understand what the victim of the bullying is going through. Imagine how embarrassing it must be for a complete stranger to step in for you. Also, try and understand the psychological and social implications so you can better explain them yourself when calmly reprimanding the bully.
• “It is not okay to bully anyone for absolutely any reason.”
• “Bullying can ruin another person’s life. No one wants to be responsible for something like that”
• “Do you know how many young people commit suicide because of bullying? Do you want to be held responsible for that?”
• “That behavior is absolutely unacceptable, bullying is traumatizing.”

Don’t worry about not sounding cool enough. The important thing is to have the bullying stop and to get the message across to the bully while supporting the victim.

What to do you think? What would include or take out from these suggestions? Have you ever been bullied or been a bully?

Looking forward to your responses inshaAllah! :)

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2 Responses to Innocence and Intervention [Part 2]: The Etiquette’s of Not Minding Your Own Beeswax

  1. MRS Maryam/Miriam December 29, 2012 at 11:23 am #

    As Muslims we should be against every act of oppression/dhulm as Allah hates oppression. Stealing from someone, taking away someone’s belonging or loved one, mocking others based on their features they cannot change and bullying are all forms of oppression.

    Beware or be careful of the du’as of the oppressed/unjustly mistreated, even if that oppressed is a non-Muslim or sinner. For there is no barrier between Allah and the du’as/supplications to Him (Allah) supplicated by the oppressed against their oppressors, meaning that the du’as of the oppressed Muslims -even those who are sinners- will be answered insha-Allah for sure.

    If Allah the Most Merciful does not answer a Muslim’s du’a soonest, then in the future insha-Allah at a time that Allah knows is most befitting for that Muslim and for the oppressors whom he/she supplicated against.

    Allah is the Most Wise, the All-Knowing -no one and nothing can challenge Him (Allah). Allah is the Most Just and He (Allah) hates all kinds of injustice, and as His Muslim servants, we should too hate every act of injustice, crime and bullying.

    Allah knows best.

  2. MRS Maryam/Miriam December 29, 2012 at 11:41 am #

    I used to be close friends with a “bully” back in my teenage years and I believe that the reason why she used to bully a certain girl was either to increase her (the bully’s) self-esteem in a funny way -trying to bring others down to put herself up -if you know what I mean- and because she was jealous of that girl in some ways.

    3 reasons why some bullies bully (or 3 reasons why some people are foolishly mean even to strangers they’ve never formally met):

    1) they’re jealous of those whom they bully/are mean to
    2) they want to hide the fact that they’ve been hurt by someone or others by hurting others in almost the same manner (one who is mistreated and insecure at the same time is likely to mistreat others to hide his/her insecurity)
    3) they don’t want to feel like they’re the only ones who have a tough life, therefore they walk around bullying so that they won’t be the only ones who are ‘blue’. this is a bit like shaytan’s demonic attitude who was promised to be doomed in Hellfire forever, and because of that he (the cursed shaytan) wants to misguide as many people as he can to Hell -so that he (the cursed shaytan) won’t be the only one in Hell.

    Sometimes a bully may be mean to someone because of a minor (or even major) thing that someone did to that bully -maybe they offended the bully’s ego one day so they end up attracting the bully’s attention. People or students who are bullied because of that should try to face the bully in a kind way and ask them what they did that make them (the bully) enjoy mistreating them and then sincerely apologize, even try to become friends, if the bully gives a reason for his/her misconduct.

    “do not hate your enemy with so much hatred -you never know maybe one day they may become your closest friend”

    ALLAH KNOWS BEST :)

    Wasalaam

    muslimarvels.tumblr.com

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